ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
