apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
