When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
