Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
