how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
