AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Panties = found
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
