Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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