Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
