your room smells of hookers.
And success
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
