im six kinds of drunk right now
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize