so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
