That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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