I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
