I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
