woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
