even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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