I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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