Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I didn't notice because vodka
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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