The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
