what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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