He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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