My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
