what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We left an ass print on the piano.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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