I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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