That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
