I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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