is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
