my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
