Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
