her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
