just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i dont even know how to be here
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
