WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
