Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
