New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
