I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Your cock deserves a montage
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
