why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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