If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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