dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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