He disabled his match.com account in front of me
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
