the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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