i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
