Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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