The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
