That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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