I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
