I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize