Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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