in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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