the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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