Please, let me fuck your mom
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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