oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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