it wasn't lemon gatorade
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
