Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
