dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
