When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
