JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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