quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
