this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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