I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
