you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize