The maid of honor just puked.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize